According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
