Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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