Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
