its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
