you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
