I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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