It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
