i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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