the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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