he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
