I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
