In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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