The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
