Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
