I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
