worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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