Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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