I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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