I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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