Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
