I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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