watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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