ADVERTISEMENT

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  i dont think thats weird i think thats fun

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird

  Fav 11 920 2389

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.

  Fav 8 992 2169

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (253): View more from Washington

  My mind says no, but my body says yes.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  What does your body say about chlamydia?

  Fav 17 888 3275

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.

  Fav 24 4773 1039

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.

  Fav 30 4821 1870

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night

  Fav 6 4266 1441

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl

  Fav 5 2840 1243

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.

  Fav 2 3194 1019

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.

  Fav 13 3037 1094

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome

  Fav 4 2801 886

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay

  Fav 5 672 1061

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME

  Fav 6 793 484

  share tweet
  

• (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.

  Fav 2 687 604

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.

  Fav 2 127 227

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  I just snorted sandwich everywhere.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope it smells nice :)

  (440): View more from Ohio

  IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.

  Fav 0 53 45

  share tweet
  

Randomize