you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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