I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
