two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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