You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
