I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
