i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
