I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
