I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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