It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
