I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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