hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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