I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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