WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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