he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
