the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
