okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
