Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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