they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
