she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
