Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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