i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
