dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
