My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
