First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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