I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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