Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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