Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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