Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
