Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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